A complete nutcase in my life-changing.

Scoring 80% an above when I was in primary school, I felt great. I wasn't unhappy when I didn't get 100% on spellings. I simply banged with no absolute thinking when I did not know what was supposed to be.



When I entered middle school, I changed. I changed my pre-existing thoughts. I got upset when things became worst. But I did not blame myself for not doing good. I used to tell myself to work even harder on next time.



When I was in high school, I did not give a damn to anything. I changed tremendously. I tried to run whatever things seemed to be harder. Even little tiny things. I did not even care what my grades were.



When I found myself in college, I realized how important the grades were. I tried putting every single effort into my academics. Yes, I made it and able to transfer to Towson in the States.



Apparently, I am expecting too much from myself. When I get 80% out of 100%, I hate myself for so much. I almost bang my head against the wall, hardly. When I get 99% out of 100%, this is a total nutcase. I blame it on myself, pulling my face for days long. I get freaked out easily when things don't come to my ways. Put as simply as possible, I couldn't bring myself losing even one point! What is wrong with me?

Am I destined to be like this?

I am so so looking forward to seeing my family and friends in summer break. Unfortunately, when things are not the way you wanted, or looked for, you would totally get confused with where you are and whom you supposed to be now. This is totally happening on me at this point.

I have always been counted me as the unlucky ones, ever since my first step into the U.S. I m always being left behind people. I am working even harder to catch them up. When I manage to do that, another matter pops out of sudden. I hate this!

I am in trouble!! I have paid for my itinerary yet I come to realise that I am not supposed to leave in the U.S during summer break. I need to take some additional classes in an attempt not to affect the length of my graduation. Tell me what to do now. Cancel the itinerary, or transfer to another University? Put as simply as possible, this University sucks to the max. =(

Even I cancel it, there is no absolute guarantee that I could graduate within 1 year! Argh!!! Help me to get over this! I am so so so......... (It's just too heavy, suffocated). It's just too complicated to write all of these here. My mind keeps spinning right now. I have too much things to do up to this point.

P/S: Family and friends, please come to visit me if you were free. It would make me realise it is worth living in the U.S. =)

I wanna stop my degree.. and I would get nothing.. NOTHING!!

A written reminder that keeps me alive

Sometimes I don't know who that be and what I am looking for.. but I am glad to have my family, friends and you always be there for me.. Feel myself really lucky though! Ain't no complaints at all..

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Truly love to heaps..

Winz

Ms Unhappy

I am not happy!!
Not happy! Not happy! Not happy! =(