Shit my L.I.F.E

Well, guess this is not what I want. I have gone through so many difficulties before coming to the States. And now I feel like giving up. Ain't useless?

Successfully entered campus life, thought life would be better than what I expected. Thought everything would be like what used to be appeared on American shows -The O.C, American Pie and whatsoever. Guess, I am wrong. Current life has totally proven me wrong!

I am so fucking shit STRESSED even though I just finished my finals! I am SERIOUS.

80% is my PASSING grade. Can you guys imagine THIS? Is sucky to death.

Gonna consult psychologist soon if I were living at this pace in America! Almost have heart attack. And PLEASE don't tell me my professional life would be THIS terrible! I will definitely go into the first stage of depression.

Really feel like punching on walls HARDLY. Real hard.

Give Live Love

Questions:

How many of you know the feeling of being lonely?
How many of you know the feeling of homesick?
How many of you know the feeling of meeting deadlines?
How many of you know the feeling of living in the dark?
How many of you know the feeling of being drunk and why they wanna get drunk in the first place?
How many of you know the feeling of being rejected by somebody?
How many of you know the feeling of restless especially when you wanna get something/someone that you can't?
How many of you know the feeling of lack the encouragement to say out loud what your feeling is?

I met someone in my life, someone who was able to sweep the coldness of my life and bring the warmth into my life. Someone who had never created any fear or anxiety in my life. Guess that was what I got and deserved in my life. Therefore, should thank god of giving me a chance to feel, see and touch how beautiful my life was.

What will it be in the future?

I am so into fashion. Trends. Whatever. Supposedly doing my research papers but guess what. I come out with so many ideas.. but definitely not for my research papers but for... my fantasy princess world.

Now. Right now. I am hunting for jobs! I really hope I can have jobs in magazines company, ads agencies or things that have to do with trends, fashion!

At the same time, I hope I can set up a new business. A boutique maybe.

So people, hit me up before I am delving into it.

Kill all these dreams. Things that will never ever happen in my life!

In short, I just need a part time job!

Well, back to today's topic: What will it be in the future? I am referring to myself. My future..So lost..

Sounds and Sights in NYC

Notification: Specifically to Sumin.
"Hey girl, I hope you are still reading my blog. Just wanna tell ya how much I miss ya. I miss the times we used to spend together. Eating together, having the same classes together, studying together, hang-out together (still remember how we were in the fantasy world with your prince charming in your dreamed luxury car? Haha), and generally we were having so much fun together in college. Unfortunately, we never have a good chance to take picture together. Too bad. I m looking forward to seeing you in States. Who knows one day we will meet each other again in States" XOXO

*****

Hey peeps! These are the pics taken in NYC. Just went there during weekends.

Thanks for the support and encouragement from my family and friends. I will hold on no matter how hard it is. Huggies and loves to you guys! And I will try not to write the dark side of my life anymore.

Let's explore pictures of mine now! There you go;

Same old buddies in States.

When we just reached not long ago in NYC

Taken while waiting some friends of mine to get the unlimited one-day pass

These pictures taken when we were waiting for the ticket to get into the big ship to be able to see the statue of liberty

Next destination would be Manhattan!! Times Square. I truly love here. Hope I can get a job in the future here! YES! Right here. BUT of course, it seems impossible to me. The living cost there is TOO high to me. I just went there for a visit in New York, my money was gone like how fast the water gone from the tab!!!



I have been waiting this day to come! It's been long time I had had chinese food since few months ago! I truly miss "mamak stalls". Finally I could have one in Chinatown, NYC. The shop was crowded and the waiters seemed so impolite to us. Maybe they were too tired. SO so fierce!


Next would be random pictures taken in Times Square!!

I LOVE NEW YORK!!!!

Hmph, nothing much to write here. And I didn't do much shopping in Times Square but perhaps will go during Winter break and try to take as many pictures as I can and of course, SHOPPING! =P Sad enough to say that I am not be able to go back to Malaysia during winter break! And I have nowhere else to stay. Staying in my place right here have to pay 150 dollars every week! Oh god! =(

Feel myself just had a dream in my dreamland. My perfect times had gone in a blink of an eye. Now I am back to hell that is jam-packed with homework, assignments, proposals and readings!


I DO NOT LIKE THIS!!! =( Well, how many of you like this?

And one more thing





Haha, this is kinda funny but guys, did you know how much I spend on this drawing? I don't really like this drawing but the process of drawing was so so funny!!!

Let's just call it a day. I spent 20 dollars on this damn stupid thing. Sorry for imperfect entry here. Left so much space below here. Blame it on me as I am an illiterate computer and technology person. hahaha..

So mad to this entry. The more I upload pictures the more space I left below here. Can someone help me how to decrease it? Stupid me.

Did you ever wonder?

You know what, I just realised how much work I need to be done throughout fall semester. Incredibly, I would say I have never done so much work before. You can't imagine how much work I have. Well, in Malaysia, I have much work to do as well BUT not as much as THIS!

Ain't complain for having too much work here. BUT why students here don't give a damn to those homework that have been waiting for them to get done? Or am I being too stressed?Afraid of things can't be done imperfectly? Or they are taught to be like that since young? "Take everything easy?"

In any case, I just want to say how much pressure I have now! Not because of too much work to kill but we are required to do TEAM projects, major papers, proposals! I can't even discuss all these with them. Some said they need to work, some said they wouldn't be here for this weekend and things like that. So my question is "WHEN are we gonna get things done since everyone has a damn full schedule in their routine?

If continually, I will say I m gonna have heart attack soon. I sleep with all these problems pressed me deep inside my mind. My mind just can't help spinning round and round nervously. Yes. NERVOUSLY. I really am. I am so afraid that I can't take it anymore one day.

The only thing that holds me on is my family. My FAMILY!!!

The more I am stressed with my academics, the more I feel like going back at any seconds.

Back to the place I am comfortable with, home sweet home.

Miss you loads and loads. Of course, my friends as well!!!

Keep working

WARNING: Meaningless post requires only lil' attention to read but I will advise you DO NOT SPEND TIME TO READ THIS ENTRY!

Non-stop working,
Non-stop thinking,
Non-stop studying,
Non-stop writing proposals, campaigns, assignments.

I can't stop working! 'cause my body mechanism will stop working once I am completely stopped for that! Perhaps, am becoming lazy bug if just stop for a while! A while....

At the same time, I wanna shout out loud

"I am beat!!!!" Extremely!!!

HELP!!!

At the same time, I love the way it is, is supposed to be THIS. I love THIS life.
NO life is what we call. *yawn*

ZzzZzz

Self- conflict

Have you guys ever wondered how to act and who to be until you figure it out yourself ? Because I did. At times, I know there is no longer "ME" in myself. The only thing I know that I am Winnie, that is a reminder, it tells me that I am Winnie. But in fact whom is it supposed to be? How to tune yourself into the real person who you really are? Well, desperately seeking for a good piece of advice.. OR perhaps I am just nobody?

Mood fluctuation tends to be higher recently as you can tell from my recent entries.

I just do NOT know why.

The Love

"No matter how hard is your life there, hold it cos u'll have our never endin' support..just think of the old days when we were being together, i believe this will give u the feeling and the taste of the warmth and care from us and home..just to let u know, u r not alone.."

Just to keep this alive in my life as my encouragement to move on.
I love my family loads. No clearly defined importance of family and friends of mine. They are simply important, extremely important in life.

I will live life to its fullest!

Jia You, Winnie!!!! =)

Bad times

Just forced myself to get up from bed in this wet evening. Wet, yes. It's freezing at outside now. I had bad times again. I really am stressed and my self-esteem is getting low. Sometimes, I even doubt my ability to cope with real hard situations. I even had a bad dream just now. How my life is settled down in states and deal with real hard times are totally a bad dream to me. Worst of all, how could I even dream of it !!!

Is that Virgo baby loved complaining?

I simply love to complain much than what you think of me. People said I am troublesome. Yes, I am. So what? Who cares? This is me, this is my life.

First complaint : I have got 2/10 for my assignment. Not my fault. But whom then? Count me as an unlucky one.

Second complaint: I hate those people. You can sue me if you want to. Not systematic, slow, inefficient, to name a few. Its hopeless.

Third complaint: Love crapping but nothing inside. Hate those people.

Just simply fuck my life up. Totally! I m sicked of it now.

Fail to do everything.

There are always ups and downs in life. I thought coming over States means everything is fine, perfectly good in shape to me. I was wrong. First I came here, I was stopped to have chest Xray due to TB affection suspicious. I almost had heart attack once I received this. I did not even say this to my family. Stupidly, I thought my life was going to end as they gave me some real serious warnings. Thank God, the result was positive as I was clear to off. And my case was officially closed.

Secondly, I thought I was able to come to Towson means I was qualified, met all requirements because they did not reject my application. And guess what happened. Currently, I am not an official student of Towson University. Mainly because the department denied my application and I was not allowed to get in my major now. I do not know what to do now. I am lost. I was accepted by Towson University doesn't mean that I am accepted by Mass Communication department as well.

So please tell me what to do now. I feel like going back to Malaysia. However, I can't. We are no longer a kid, can do whatever we want to do. Things are not always happened in your expected ways. Again, why is it happened on me ? I wanna say how tired I am. But I know I have no rights to say that. Not even mention about it. I feel ashamed on myself now. Not being a good daughter, a good friend - never know what are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, or actions to perform in any given situation.

I need someone to rely on, to share my moments, be it in joys or sorrows. At least once 'cause I am falling down..

Tell Me Where It Hurts

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away

My memorable birthday (Sept 7)

My very first special memoirs in States. I am glad to meet all of you in my life.. A big thank you to you guys!!! Thanks for bringing so much fun, joys and cares.

Chinese food were prepared for my birthday by my awesome friends. Truly appreciate!

And then, we went to downtown. Shopping!!!~From day to night! Tiring but FUN!!

This is my big brother.

Was taken while having dinner in Paws.

Pictures of us

Say cheese.. Haha =P

This is crazy me sis -Tori

Forever hungry -YiChao!

I couldn't stand it as I had got so much of punishments by them!! =(

Extremely tired of having too much laughters!

Thanks! Love you guys muchie!

Kisses & Huggies,

Winnie

There's no free lunch

After taking lunch with a friend of mine, realizing how naive I am throughout the years! Ain't ambitious person but indeed I am a coward!

I am always looking for the limitations(weaknesses) in myself. Fail in handling things when there are too much for me.

AND

Tend to have higher expectation without putting any effort into it.

Yes. That's me.

Give up things TOO easily.

My favorite quote:

"If I could have.. If I could have.. If I could have..."

without striving, working hard..

"You will never get it"

Because

:

:

:

there's no free lunch in the world!!!

Inner Harbor, Baltimore

I went to Inner Harbor, Baltimore last weekend. It was awesome.

Meanwhile, I would like to introduce my roomie. This is Ahn from Vietname. =P

We were trying to promote CVS/Pharmacy by holding a grocery bag. It was kinda awful.

Tired of walking under a big sun. It was a hot day!

Random Pictures

Here it ends my entry for today.

Pleasure of life.

Randomly picking songs on itunes, every single songs that I am listening to tend to have different sentiment. I am not trying to say that I am an emo person but I am truly missing my family and friends in Malaysia. How we generally spent our lil' moments together to have chit-chat session. Life has not been easy for me in States actually.. but no matter how I need to take some time to adapt to the new place fulls with a number of strangers.

I have always some thoughts that studying in abroad would be very fun which is not true at all now. It gotta have piles of homework even though we don't have to go class often. This is the most scariest part in my daily routine.. I have to manage my time wisely. And there it goes, I am stressed 'bout it.

Every text books are costly. The prices of each book is more than hundred over dollars which means when I convert to ringgit, it would be RM1500 plus. It is crazy, ain't it ? Guess what, each subjects that is more than 1 textbook.. So, could someone sponsor to me?

Living on campus is totally different from Malaysia. The food, the weather and everything else.. are completely diverse from my country.

Anyway, let's just call it a day and I may possibly won't blog for a lil' moment from now on. Sorry.

Miss my family and friends always. Take care.

Tellin' me

Please tell me how lucky I am studying abroad in another country. =(

God, am I doing the right thing? cos' I dont feel right.

A day counts

Look! My life seems to be dull for these few days with mags and a 'Fashion Babylon' chicklit by Imogen Edwards-Jones and many more.

'Fashion Babylon has supplanted The Devil Wears Prada as the fashionista's trashy read of choice (New York Times)'

And you may like this as well

One fine day is counted meaningfully, ain't it?

A lil' accomplishment of mine

Ain't easy when things are not the way you wanted. It challenges your patience. Anxiety amplifies in the greater degree at the moment when it comes to mentioning 'States'. God! United States. It sounds scary to me. Been preparing documents to get myself done for the sake of my U for MONTHS (Apparently, more than half year). Processing since Jan till today. Here is the end.. Finally I have got the visa to transfer to...What a relief day =)

So getting all my stuffs well packed today... ready to go home! I'm coming...

To be continued

Woman vs Man

It can be concluded that woman is even more complicated than you think. Don't you agree?

Be in awe

I wanna try to write something now, but I do not know how to ...
I wanna try to do something now, but I do not know where to start ...
I wanna know what I am thinking, but I do not know anything 'bout myself ...
I wanna bring something new into my life, but I do not know I can make it not ...
I wanna decide on something, but I do not know I am doing the right thing not ...

***I lost myself in the middle of nowhere ***

L.I.F.E

Having a good chat with my mate while eating, in a place where we could see extravagance cars. Not to deny anything, I really loved it and my friend as well. We were talking like nobody business in that shop, laughing like nobody knew we were crazy. We were living in our comfort zone again where it seemed to be fantasy! I simply love it what my life would be with all the sumptuousness materials around me.

Imagining with a car that my friend and I saw. THIS car. I know perhaps some of you might say 'jakun'. With ONLY this car, you feel so excitedly talking about it. Yes. I may start thinking a good life of mine in the future with all these existed. There is where I enjoyed talking with a friend of mine. Happy when thinking about it. I could not resist to my fantasy world ever.

Simply dazzling.

Guess everyone wants this simply gorgeous life. However, it may be unfair when looking back at those people who need to go back by public bus. It crams with so many people in a small mini bus, in peak hour especially, yet those people don't place any safety in the first place. Squeezing as much as possible till he or she manages to get onto the bus. PLEASE provide a bigger bus for all of us. You could see body contact on each other, some people may want to fart on the bus, but they couldn't. That's what we have seen today. LIFE.